#1 Fiona Monologue
Oh hello! Sorry I'm late!
Welcome to Fiona: The Musical! Yay, let's talk about me.
"Once upon a time, there was a little princess named Fiona, who lived in a kingdom Far Far Away. One fateful day, her parents told her that it was time for her to be locked away in a desolate tower, guarded by a fire-breathing dragon --as so many princesses had for hundreds of years before."
#2 Shrek & Fiona
Shrek: Are You Fiona?
Fiona: I am. Awaiting a knight so bold as to rescue me.
Shrek: Ah, that's nice. Now let's go.
Fiona: But wait, Sir Knight! I have long awaited this day! (With a flourish)
And I would'st first like to knowest the name of my champion.
Fiona: Sir, Shrek...
I pray that you take this favor as a token of my gratitude.
(Shrek regards the handkerchief, then wipes his neck with it, and hands it back to her)
(Looks around, confused)
So where's the door?
Fiona: There is no door.
Shrek: What do you mean there's no door? How do we get down?
Fiona: Why, the same way you got up?
Shrek: The same way I- ?! Oh come on! I just -!
(Realizes he has no choice)
Alright then, let's go.
(Moves to the window)
Fiona: Now holdest on, Sir Knight. Don't you want to savor this moment? It be-eth our first meeting. It must be a wonderful and romantic scene. (Strikes a pose)
#3 Farquaad & Captain
Lord F: 494,495,496. Princess Fiona? I am Lord Farquaad. What do you think? No, you're right, too formal. 600! Fiona? Hi, Farquaad, but you can call me Maximus, as I've no doubt you will! Woof! No, too smutty.
But soft, what light through yonder window breaks? It is Fiona and Farquaad is the sun.
Captain: My lord, We've just gotten word, - Princess Fiona has been rescued. She's on her way.
Lord F: On her way! RAHHH!!! She's on her way, and so am I! My fairytale princess. I always said I'd be king, and now look! The last adorable piece to my master plan! Ooo, that reminds me, how are the wedding preparations coming?
#4 Donkey Monologue
And this is what I realized - if we escaped a dragon, then we could do anything. Man, I could be a steed. Or I could work the Crusades circuit if I wanted to. I could even be one of those horses who pull those wagons full of beer! I'd need some hair extensions on my ankles, but I could do it. Who do you wanna be?
#5 Pinocchio Monologue
Now wait a minute! Maybe that ogre wasn't the answer, but something better will come along, and we have to wait for it, because that's what fairytale creatures do. We wait for miracles. We wish upon stars! Why my cricket always told me...